5:15 p.m. / July 25, 2005 - -
blind thirst
marijuana last night and
everythingspinning
birdsoutside the painting, like a pastel, magnificently blended
together
inside the laughter overtaking
paranoia growing have i seen this before i thought it was new what the hell is going on
shaking, vision blurred, mouth feels like a black hole i am being
sucked in
help
me
run outside
then inside
down to my room
have to stop the shaking lay down here repetitive droning noise feel sick try to callforhelpusingcellphonebutdiscover that the cellular telephone makes me feel sick too
try to turn it off
desperately
almost crying
call incoming, answer, i'm in my roomhanguphanguptakethebatteryoutshutthephoneoff
throwit
onthefloor
vomitintoemptylaundrytub
i have to escape the buzzing noise i dragmytubofVOMIT into the other room, lay on the bed, cover my ears with
a pillow and then
shutitoffshutitoffshutitoff
calm down. thinking to myself, "marijuana brings out and magnifies whatever you have inside of you; you are not a scared person, do not be afraid of this, you are not going to die, this is not the end of everything"
calming down. quiet. peaceful. dad comes down, i say, 'high, high, dad, i'm stoned'
aaron comes in thankgodforaaroncominginthankgod! AARONTURNTHEMUSICON TURNTHEDISCOLIGHTON
and everything
was good again
drifted to my room after aaron left
went to sleep
woke up dizzydadi'mcarpoolingwith you today
first two hours of work still buzzed, blurry
9am break and all is well
tired
home
computer in my room, unplugged, plug it in circuits fried i'll be on here less now adios
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