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5:09 a.m. / March 27, 2005 - - apparently shared sensation means no sensation being around drunk people makes me feel drunk. i get dizzy. i laugh a lot. i say dumb things. i tip over. i leech their drunkeness; i never have to drink on my own, and if i need to sober up, i can in a heartbeat. went to a party tonight. my friend's loss of virginity party. he got drunk and slept with some random girl, had sex three times, did not learn her name, no phone number, lost a lip ring, left the next morning. we bought him a DQ cake that said, "jake's virginity 1986-2005 'we hardly knew ye' " the running gag is that 'ye' is the girl. and yeah, i think having a party for something like that is pretty sad, too. on the way to the party we stopped at a gas station (to pick up a friend) which had a sign which said, 'air in back of building'; we took a picture of someone choking in front of it. it was later deleted on accident; it is a shame- i loved that picture. also, the friend who worked there said it was okay to take whatever we want. i ended up taking about twenty items. i said to another friend in the car, "never show a d'amalfi hospitality- this is what happens". he told me that he often thinks i am from another planet. the party. didn't drink. didn't smoke. shmoozed. sat around. played piano. took a few pictures. there was a pinata filled with candy and condoms. when it broke, i took ten trojan shared sensation condoms. i also took a box of trojan magnum large condoms. you never know. another friend of mine and i, we decided that we are in competition: one of us will lose his virginity before the other. basically, i've just been saying to girls i know, "want to have sex? i need to make fun of my friend" no yes' so far. the DQ cake ended up on the floor and people's faces. a lamp was broke over someone's head. a table was smashed. candy was mashed into the floor. glad that i am not the person who lives there. after we left, someone from the party called to tell us that someone who was still there was throwing up all over the floor. on the way home i absent mindedly flashed my brights at a car. a minute later there was a car very close behind me; i was going 35 in a 50. somebody said, "i hope that we don't get pulled over" and that is about the time that the lights came on. stepped out of the car. no, i haven't been drinking. that must be soda you smell on my breath. no, i haven't been smoking. i am driving my friends home. do not tell anyone, but i secretly love being pulled over. i love sitting on the trunk of my car and looking into the flashing lights. i love remaining calm and rational, not being bothered or afraid. nothing can phase me anymore. stopped at the gas station to try to re-take the pictures. all of my friends received minors, $170 dollar fees, and none of them would pose by the sign. when one finally did get out of the car, all he would do is flick me off. i figure that that picture will make for an interesting story as well. after i got home i tried on a magnum condom which, not to show off bravado or anything like that, fit very nicely, and then one of the other slightly smaller ones, which were a bit tight to the point of hurting. also, i masturbated for about forty minutes without having an orgasm while wearing it. as soon as it took it off i came all over my newly washed pants. at the party, on the wall, there was a picture of a small italian port town named "amalfi".

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