2:27 p.m. / September 25, 2006 - -
It took five of us (all of us) all night (forever) to figure out nothing (everything)
So we ate it. AGAIN. It's like this every time we play the game. We sit in a room and try to figure it all out, try to figure out everything, begin to see that everything is the same stuff, that everything that exists around is really just a function of our brain, that we are making it- and our seperate selves- "real". And then we get down to the bottom of it and we come to nothing, the zero, the circle. The answer to everything is nothing. The answer to nothing is everything. When we are all together, when we are all one, all we want is to be SEPERATE again. And when we are seperate, everywhere we look we see aspects of ourselves, and all we want is to be ONE again. The trees and the mountains and the air and the people all seem to whisper to us, "we were once together as one". And that's why we eat the hallucinogens. To stop being seperate for awhile. To re-realize ourselves. So that we can go back to being seperate for awhile before doing it all over again.Your subconscious mind turns on and your conscious mind takes a back seat. The people you're with stop being other people and suddenly you're all one part of something else and are reading eachothers thoughts, finishing eachothers fucking sentences, and you KNOW it, can feel it with every cell and atom in you, can FEEL every cell and atom in you and around you and of you; you spend all night riding the spiral that is DNA down down down to the bottom of everything and then you realize, "this sucks! I hate nothing! YOU GOT ME TO ADMIT IT! I LIKE DOING STUFF!". And just like that, normalcy starts to re-appear, little by little. First it starts to get light out. Then a sober person shows up. Then things are found and cleaned up. And eventually, after twenty four hours, you finally get your ass to sleep. Take comfort in the things around you which you have created.
Reality IS what you make out of it. Believe me when I say this. When you love everything, everything will in turn love you back. LOVE EVERYTHING. Because it IS you. Hating anything is hating yourself.
Our job is to keep shit, keep reality as we know it, going. Life is simple. You'll usually get all of the things you need if not all of the things you want.
Try reading a book and attempting to uncover all of the extra characters, plot twists, dialogues, et cetera, before actually "finishing" the book. That's basically what we did last night.
I think LSD is a lot like death. And sleeping. Chaos, energy, nothing, and then... you come back to something. Forever. In a circling spiral that never ends. And I love it. I love being seperate. I don't hate people so much anymore. At least they're not obviously ME.
Most importantly, unless you like taking your brain out, fucking it all night long (while at the same time THINKING, "how can I be fucking my brain and still thinking about fucking my brain?"), DO NOT TRY TO FIGURE IT OUT. Don't think too deeply. Just feel. Use your senses. Just be
