2:56 p.m. / April 30, 2006 - -
living day to day
The great thing about life is that there really are no wrong answers. Whatever I am doing is whatever I am doing and that is all there is to it. What I am doing is: not much. But obviously I'm doing something at each and every point in the day. I'm still alive, still breathing. When I tell people that I did nothing what I really mean is all the stupid little things that don't seem like the kind of crap they'd want to know about, anyhow. I have a bed and I spend some time there, thinking and figuring out that I'm really not figuring much of anything out, staring at my arms because they're right there in front of me, looking at the same spot on the wall for a good five minutes before jumping a few inches over. Getting up to relieve myself, get some water, glance in the mirror at my sunken eyes, cough up a lung and go back to the bed where I lay staying at my arms because they're right there in front of me, look at the same spot on the wall for a good five minutes.. and you get the idea. I don't tell people this because nobody cares. Because they will say, "that is boring" and that is fine by me, because I am not bored by it.But why waste their time with a bunch of bullshit they aren't going to keep anyhow? Even if they want for me to waste it, and it seems as though there is a lot of that going around. Adam, master, help me waste my time like you do. How do you waste it so well. Let me waste it with you. Unfortunately I am very seldom good at wasting time with other people. It is mine, my solitary act and when I am alone it is all I do but somehow when you throw other people into the mix, it is no longer a waste of MY time. In most cases. Even seeing people that I don't like is enjoyable, because people are such interesting things, full of their own complexes and internal barriers, hopes and dreams and desires to decipher. My hopes and dreams: last night, I dreamt that my tattoo filled itself in and I woke up hoping that it'd still be there.
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