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10:57 p.m. / November 28, 2005 - - heartbreak////er

and a few hours after that entry i held my breath and was honest after weeks of build-up, because i love her. really, i've thought about this; she is a good person, intelligent, funny, sexy, and full of her own vitality. she is beautiful and wonderful and i feel alive around her but it wasn't going to work, and i knew it wasn't going to work. i tried to deny what she was and what i was and where we were in our lives and what we were doing with our lives and i tried to just love her but sometimes, and this is key, sometimes love isn't enough by itself. love is enough when the situation lines up favorably, and the situation didn't line up here and i didn't want to do it over the phone, please god, not over the phone but things came out and we started so we had to finish. it felt good to cry. i didn't want to. i had to. if something comes of us down the line it will but for now i have to live, i have to quit getting caught up in romance when i haven't figured out what i want and who i am. i didn't want to do it and it was the hardest thing i've ever had to tell someone but i had to do it for her and for me so that we could move on and get out of this funk

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