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10:50 p.m. / August 10, 2005 - - i'm breaking your hipbone

i showered today, i haven't done that for five days. i haven't been sober for five days. not drinking, no, no. smoke. keep smoking. keep the same high going and then finally, finally, relax, stop, give it a rest. let's just sit in this chair and look at the world around us. i've bought a few supplies (cigarettes), i have a tent, and tomorrow i'm going to a bluegrass festival for days, not sure how many. sometimes i feel so lonely it's unbearable but most of the time there's something around to keep me company.

am i really happy? i'm not sure. probably not. possibly maybe. i really want everything, everything in the world. i really want all of my options to be open for me all the time. and this girl, will things ever really work out? and this girl, what's the story there? the other one, well, who even knows about her. wanderlust in her heart, i'm not sure if i'll ever see her again, but at least we can share something together, there.

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