9:23 p.m. / July 23, 2005 - -
you'll never drink again
you wake up, unsure of where you are, your head is splitting and all you can think about is where the nearest toilet is, saying to yourself, "i am never going to drink again". spend the first two hours after waking up laying down on the couch trying to supress the urge to vomit, the next three talking to people while a storm blares outside, the sirens sounding the sky growing darker. the next ten hours, you go home, sit there, wait to throw up, head still splitting. eating turns out to be a bad idea and you lay on your bed for two more hours, crying softly. the memories are blurred, you can't remember what happened, who was there? your head fills with questions, all you can do is stare at things and think because moving is dangerous, movement will make you vomit, and you still can't help but think about the next time you'll do it, the next time you'll walk through that house, grabbing at bottles randomly, drinking, putting them down elsewhere, the people saying, "you're going to get alcohol poisoning man, stop it" and the voice in your head saying, 'that sounds logical enough' while you drink more. sleep on the army cot tonight, the hard floor will keep you grounded make sure to lay on your side you don't want to swallow your tongue. typing is laborious, words are even more so. if anyone says a word you'll feel the need to vomit. sensory imput overloads you. get into a coccoon and sleep until this passes over like a storm in the night.
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